Creating my own drama?
Its weird.. was just thinking, I feel strange going to the counselor all of a sudden..embarrassed & ashamed.. guess sometimes I lack the self esteem or whatever you want to call it to believe in myself.
Sometimes I really wonder - is this situation so bad because I am making it worse? Creating more of a drama by blowing things out of proportion? At times i say No dammit - Im right & this is how things are affecting me... but then I will slowly doubt if I am right to be upset at someone. Why is that?!?!? Its dawning on me, thats always been a part of me. Its ok to be upset at people. Its ok to say you hurt my feelings. Its ok to stick up for yourself - you are not wrong! If you dont get it out - it makes you angry & bitter on the inside.
Guess thats why i bore my friends to death with the same conversation over & over - to get re-assurance that I am right...that it is ok to be hurt & upset ...it is ok to be mad. But why is that I need that reassurance? Im tired of complaining to people, of feeling the victim - of being poor me. It sucks quite frankly. I want to LIVE life not just exsist in it. Its flying right by & what have i done with myself? I cant take classes for the new job yet - but since money is a little better, even though its Christmas shopping time, maybe I should look into a writing class...a photography class. I've always always wanted to do these things. So why havent I? Why is it that its like I turn myself off most times and dont think to even look into these things unless I am at work & dont have the time to do that?
Now to find the way to live instead of just exsist & get rid of the negativity........
Sometimes I really wonder - is this situation so bad because I am making it worse? Creating more of a drama by blowing things out of proportion? At times i say No dammit - Im right & this is how things are affecting me... but then I will slowly doubt if I am right to be upset at someone. Why is that?!?!? Its dawning on me, thats always been a part of me. Its ok to be upset at people. Its ok to say you hurt my feelings. Its ok to stick up for yourself - you are not wrong! If you dont get it out - it makes you angry & bitter on the inside.
Guess thats why i bore my friends to death with the same conversation over & over - to get re-assurance that I am right...that it is ok to be hurt & upset ...it is ok to be mad. But why is that I need that reassurance? Im tired of complaining to people, of feeling the victim - of being poor me. It sucks quite frankly. I want to LIVE life not just exsist in it. Its flying right by & what have i done with myself? I cant take classes for the new job yet - but since money is a little better, even though its Christmas shopping time, maybe I should look into a writing class...a photography class. I've always always wanted to do these things. So why havent I? Why is it that its like I turn myself off most times and dont think to even look into these things unless I am at work & dont have the time to do that?
Now to find the way to live instead of just exsist & get rid of the negativity........
posted by littlejj at
2:18 PM
2 Comments:
you have a right to your emotions June. if you feel like someone is not treating you well, it is most likely because they aren't. You are no Diva, that is going to be upset over some minor slight. You need something that is just for you. if you take a class do it because you want to, not for work or for jeff, for you. It makes a world of difference. As much work as school is I enjoy it because it is for me. For the first time in my life i am doing something for my own benefit, and I am challenging myself, to succeed and not just get by. I hope you do find something that is going to give you some enjoyment and confidence in yourself.
You are not a drama queen - you have every right to feel what you are feeling. And, for the record, I would feel the same way!
I agree with Erin - do stuff for YOU! You need to have your own hobbies and down time for your enjoyment and to build up your confidence.
You deserve to be treated with respect - please remember that -
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